How to get an Austrian student visa for >6 months:

1. Go to Austrian consulate in Los Angeles.
2. Leave, since its obviously closed. It has Austrian hours, so its only open from 9-11:30. Not on wednesdays or weekends. Or austrian holidays. Or US holidays.
3. Come back, get the forms.
4. Fill out the forms, get everything in order.
5. Come back, give to lady. Lady points out that the Austrian consulate in LA is not equipped to handle >6 month stays, which are no longer "Student Visas", but instead "Student Residence Permits". She can mail in the forms, but says its no different from just going to austria and doing it there.

...ok...


6. Go to austria
7. Collect required items.
8. Go to 5th district house of burocracy. They don't know what I'm talking about.
8.5. Go to US Consulate in Austria. Get official notarized document saying I swear I have no police record.
9. Go to central distract house of burocracy. This guy charges me €3 for the form. Oh wait, it's not the form, it's the certificate I already have. Thanks, asshole. He tells me to go to the house of burocracy in the 11th district. He has a form that says "closed wednesdays". I say "Is it closed on wednesdays?" "No" "Are you SURE its not closed on WEDNESDAYS?" "Yes, it's open every day of the week"
10. Wednesday. Wake up early to go to House of Burocracy in the 11th district (don't worry, it's 45 minutes away). "Do you have an appointment?" "No" "Sorry, we're closed on wednesdays, unless you have an appointment" "Can I ask you a question about residence permits?" "No"

Let me point out at this point that austrian hours, (which are (sometimes) 8-11:30 on weekdays, closed one or two of those days, open on one of those days a little later into the afternoon) mean that you can only go to one place per day, since by the time you're done there, even if you failed, everywhere else is closed.

11. Go to 5th district house of burocracy, knowing that I will fail, but going anyway. They magically know what I'm talking about, and tell me to go to 8th district house of burocracy.
12. Go to 8th district house of burocracy (Thursday). Find the correct form(!) Take a number. Leave, go check out E-Pianos, come back in an hour, wait 30 minutes. Go in when my number is called. Give my stuff to super nice lady. She says I need to make a copy of my passport page with the stamp on it. Okiedokie. Get change from super mean lady, make copy, come back. Nice lady says to wait.
13. Wait for an hour
14. Name is called, go in, talk to another nice lady who gives me a list of missing documents. I apparently need a proof of enrollment, a more-current bank statement, and a Vergebührung from my rental contract, which I should get from the Finanzamt. "What's a finanzamt?" "It's a house of burocracy ('Amthaus')" "Is that the same as my district house of burocracy?" "No." "Do you know where it is?" "No, look in the telephone book")
15. Failure. Go to LA for a week. Get notified I might have problems getting back into Austria. Get on the plane anyway. No problems. Nice.
15.5. Make money transfer into our Austrian bank. If you haven't heard, the US dollar is now worse than the canadian dollar. Our government sucks balls.
16. Go to district Finanzamt. "Hi!! I need a Vergebührung of my Rental contract!" "You're in the wrong place" "What? This paper from the 8th district house of burocracy says I should go to a Finanzamt" "Yeah, but you need to go to the central Finanzamt for Gebührungen" ")@($*@#$&)($*((!*@()!!!!!!"
17. Today would be a good day to go the the central Finanzamt for Gebührungen. They're open in the afternoon on thursdays. Oh wait, today we're celebrating the sainthood of Leopold the third. Failure.